My "Gone Forever" Bag

If I were to leave home forever and know that I'd never return, that bag would be really heavy.
The First thing I'd pack would be my bilingual bible. Not only would it be good reading, I think it would help me stay connected to my parents as much as it would to God.
The Second thing I would pack would be a folder and a box that I keep all my memorabilia in. Stupid things such as paper masks from acquaintances in middle school, ticket stubs from horror movies, or the baby doll that I promised a little girl I'd take care of while she was away; every single one of those things are important.
The Third (Fourth?) thing I'd pack would be my tech, such as my computer, my ipod, and my camera, because if I'm leaving home then I must be seeing new places, and all of these will keep me company when I'm lonely.
Lastly, I'd pack the shirts and jeans that would fit, a pair of slippers for when I want to switch out of my shoes, and a warm jacket, or else my mom would get mad at me.

My guitar wouldn't fit in my luggage so I'd have to carry that in my other hand.

Till next time,

-E

First Night Away from Home

This prompt is a little harder for me because I was always away from home as a kid either because of sleepovers or camping trips. When I got to high school, I was always leaving for school trips to the mainland or other islands and one summer I left for a month to take classes in Michigan. But the first time I permanently left home was when I left for college.

My older brother picked me up from the airport and I was really tired but I didn't want him to be alone for the car trip, so I stayed up. We drove to the campus town which was an hour away and watched comedians on YouTube while we got there. 

When we finally got to the local town, we drove around until we found a motel. We parked as close as we could to the room and took all of our stuff out in case car-jacking was a thing in the neighborhood. I remember being on my phone that night in bed and when he turned over on his own bed he said, "turn off your phone and go to bed." 

I already said goodbye to dad, I remember thinking. I just turned down the brightness level. It didn't hit me that night.

We got up early the next morning and drove all my things to campus so I can finally move in my luggage. I walked in on my sleeping roommates at 9:30a.m. I felt bad for waking them. 

My brother was extremely kind and took me to go shopping for things that couldn't fit in the luggage and I had to leave at home, like a printer, a lamp, all my school supplies, all my dorm and housing necessities, and that's not to mention the fully set up brand new laptop he gave me as a gift before. I'm really grateful for my brother.

We moved the rest of the things back in later that evening. I completely ditched all of the mandatory orientation meetings that day. He set up my printer and helped me do my bed, and then with some cash in my hand and an overwhelming hug, he left to start his 6-hour drive back home.

I was really nervous because I was really away from home. Just the morning before I said goodbye to best friend, my family, and my entire life. Just the morning before I had a fight with my mother that could've easily been one of the most regrettable moments of my life had she not been kind enough to forgive me. Just the morning before I thought I had everything figured out. The campus was pretty and the dorms seemed safe but it wasn't until that night when my roommates almost had me dying with laughter that I figured that everything was gonna be alright. 

-E

Did "summer me" make it? Lol, no

I only had two flexible, easy-to-reach goals for myself this summer, and I only achieved one. If that isn't the metaphor of my life.

My two goals were:
1.) Pass my summer classes
2.) Go to the beach (15min. away) at least once a week.

I didn't go to the beach once a week. In fact, I think I only went a little over half the amount I needed to. I made excuses for myself too. There wasn't enough time, I didn't have a car, the buses weren't running today I think, it wasn't the right weather, etc., etc. The funny thing is that it was a goal that wasn't even necessary for the greater good or my success. It was a goal I set in order to balance myself and give myself the opportunity to dwell in the places that bring me peace, and I still didn't stick to it. I don't what this says other than the fact that I'm an extremely lazy person. If you have any theories, let me know!

-E

Word List

Descriptive words of "little" me:

-kind

-loud

-sincere

-obnoxious

-innocent

-optimistic

-CURIOUS

-silly

-dirty

-obedient

-sensitive

-confident

Descriptive words of "current" me:

-obnoxious

-silly

-stubborn

-optimistic

-approachable

-aware

-hopeful

-lost

-nervous

-anxious

-shy

-determined

It's funny what's similar and what's different. I'm a lot more doubtful of myself. And I'm a lot less sincere about the things I do or the way I act. But I'm obviously more educated. And I'm more balanced. Growing up is weird. 

-E

Zero to Hero

This isn't original, but it doesn't mean it's not genuine. Honestly, the people I consider heroes in my life are my parents. Both my mother and my father were teen immigrants that somehow created and built a STABLE life for my brother and me.

They are both strong, independent people. But they also tag-team each other in their strengths. My mom is strong and logical; my dad is patient and empathetic. They're sensitive to others' needs and are aware of where their help is needed. All the while, they've built this world where my brother and I have always felt capable beyond description. 

They're honestly really far from perfect. But they help others the best they can with all that they have. And I think that's the best way I could ever describe a hero. 

-E

[Spongebob Cue Card] Five Years Later...

If all goes as planned, five years from now I will be in my second year of law school. Which law school, who knows? But it will be one that makes me happy and it will probably be located where I'm going to continue my career afterwards. Maybe I'd meet my significant other by then, but if not it's okay. I'd be in my first stable apartment and it would be the first time in a long time where I can fully make the place my own. I'd have a low-maintenance pet, like a turtle or a kitten, and I'd be going to the gym on a routinely basis because I already decided that's a responsibility for Future Esther. I probably won't have dyed hair. Unless I do. Who knows.

-E

24 Going On 25.

Five years from now I will be turning 25. I will hopefully be out of college and done with all school. Maybe I will be in a long term relationship--hopefully, soon to be engaged? Ya know, I had an ideal timeline planned out for my life but I feel like fate is truly just going to do its own thing. I will hopefully have a steady job. I don't know the specific title, but I hope to be working at the Los Angeles City Hall. If not, then I hope to be traveling. I also hope all of my family is doing well and they are healthy. I will most likely get another dog to give Dobby some company. If I am back in LA, I hope to have an apartment and living on my own or with one other roommate. I really hope I am in a position where I am able to take care of my mom. Not like physically--hopefully not physically. She better be doing well--health wise. And, life wise--I just hope that she is less stressed with her financial situation.

In the end, I just hope that in five years I will be happy.

-Jacks