*cue Daniel Powter or Alvin & the Chipmunks
So, I can't remember one specific bad day. I can, however, remember the reason for those bad days: my parents arguing. When I was little, my parents would argue all the time. My dad would say that he would leave the house and, at one point, he did. He left for like a year. I was very young and my mom had just had my brother. It was very stressful for my mom and I. She always put on a brave face, but I knew she was feeling horrible.
I believe that those arguments shaped me into the person I am today. I know they were very hurtful--especially for a child whom was around six years old--but I don't want my parents to be thought of as being bad parents. Yes, fighting in front of me really hurt me, but it taught me a lot. It taught me that sometimes people need support even if they don't say it out loud. It taught me that you have to make tough decisions even though you may love someone. And, it taught me how parents are not always right.
The downside to the arguing is that I became a very reserve and anxious person. (I must really sound like a fucked up person right now) After having experienced so much fighting, I started doubting people. Making friends became difficult. Speaking out loud was agonizing. And, saying "I love you" became pointless. I still haven't fully surpassed these difficulties. I, probably, experience more stress now because I am more aware. I feel like I am losing friendships because I feel like I am bother to people. I feel like I am distancing myself from my family because I don't know how to express my feelings--which sucks. I really want to say how much I appreciate everything but I don't know how. I feel that if I start to vocalize my feelings then I will hurt them or they will hurt me.
I am really scared of getting hurt.
-Jack
I believe that those arguments shaped me into the person I am today. I know they were very hurtful--especially for a child whom was around six years old--but I don't want my parents to be thought of as being bad parents. Yes, fighting in front of me really hurt me, but it taught me a lot. It taught me that sometimes people need support even if they don't say it out loud. It taught me that you have to make tough decisions even though you may love someone. And, it taught me how parents are not always right.
The downside to the arguing is that I became a very reserve and anxious person. (I must really sound like a fucked up person right now) After having experienced so much fighting, I started doubting people. Making friends became difficult. Speaking out loud was agonizing. And, saying "I love you" became pointless. I still haven't fully surpassed these difficulties. I, probably, experience more stress now because I am more aware. I feel like I am losing friendships because I feel like I am bother to people. I feel like I am distancing myself from my family because I don't know how to express my feelings--which sucks. I really want to say how much I appreciate everything but I don't know how. I feel that if I start to vocalize my feelings then I will hurt them or they will hurt me.
I am really scared of getting hurt.
-Jack
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