Scaredy Cat

You might think that it's silly because it's so generic, but my biggest fear is falling. The whole process of being out of control and hurting myself is scary and I avoid almost any situation that can put me in that position. I don't think I remember a reason as to why I get irrationally nervous about falling. I remember using my new roller blades I got for Christmas one morning when I went over a small hill and hit my forehead against the sidewalk. I bled a lot and I was crying like a baby, but I was scared way before that. I also remember refusing to let my dad let go of the back of the bicycle when I was little; to this day I still don't know how to ride a bike.

I think a lot about how I limit myself to try new things because of how scared I am of falling, and I'm not gonna lie, I get kinda bummed. I don't like to hike much because loose dirt and rocks can slide from underneath me on steep slopes.  If a beach has cliffs before the shore, I can't go. If stairs are slippery from a hard day's rain, I'll skip class. I know that everyone feels that hesitation to a degree, but I wished I had the motivation to push through the fear and just take those steps on slippery ground confidently. Sometimes I can't believe at all the beautiful sceneries this fear makes me miss out on. All the adventures I won't be able to go on. And I try to work on it sometimes. I've conditioned myself to not run away from roller coasters now! If my job requires me to get on a step-ladder, I won't start to cry (as loud as I want to). I try my best to never be the reason friends or family can't have fun or don't do something. I do my best to keep up, honestly.
And the thing that kills me the most is the fact that the worst that can happen is that I'll hurt myself physically. Like... I'll fall and I scrape my knee. I'll scrape my knee? That's nothing, right? I'm tough, and I'll heal. What's a really bad fall? I'll fall and hit my head. I'll hit my head? That's still healable, and I'm still pretty tough. Scratches, bruises, a broken leg... even the worst physical injury can be healed, in my opinion. But the anxiety comes and I can't help but get nervous.
I know it's not everything... but I'm working on it. Hopefully it'll be a fear I can one day overcome.

See you next Saturday,
-E