Summer Goals

Whenever summer comes around I always find myself thinking about things I'd like to accomplish in my free time. Summer--to me--is like New Year. It is a time in which one can do things that they want to do/choose to do. People have more freedom and time to do things. I understand that it is not the case for everyone, but for me it is. I don't have a job. I don't have school. I simply have time. However, with having so much time, I become anxious and begin to procrastinate all of my plans. That doesn't mean that I don't accomplish things. I probably sound like I am contradicting myself. Just fyi, a lot of the time I am a person full of contradictions. I don't know how to explain it. It just happens.

This summer I have decided that I will do things that I have been wanting to do for a while. 

1. The Three E's
• Eat.
• I want to try new foods therefore I have decided, if I am going to eat out, I will eat at a new restaurant. 
• Along with eating at new restaurants, I will try to eat healthier when not eating outside.
• Explore.
• I'd like to explore new places. I will embark on a mission in which I will act as a tourist in my own city.
• Enjoy.
• I want to not regret my decisions. I will enjoy my time off.
2. Learn Something New
• I have already started thing goal. I have always wanted to learn how to code...and I started just that. I have gotten the basics down but I really need more practice.
• I would also like to learn how to drive. 
3. Change My Fashion Style
4. Read Six Books...at least!
5. Watch TV
• I have a lot of pending tv shows, like:
• Sons of Anarchy
• Arrow
• Daredevil
• Breaking Bad
• Sex And The City
• Parks and Recreation
• Orphan Black
• Sense8
• Gotham
• The Flash
• Walking Dead
• Game of Thrones
• New Girl
• Brooklyn Nine-Nine
• iZombie

Now, I highly doubt I will be capable of accomplishing every goal but I will surely try.

Till Next Time,

Jax

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things That Make Me Happy

Yes, I just made a rendition of that one song from that one movie.

1. Dogs
2. Potatoes
3. Hiking
4. Eating
5. Sleeping
6. Singing
7. Trivia
8. Television
9. Movies
10. Family/Friends
11. Puns
12. Disneyland
13. Yoga
14. Tumblr/Fandoms
15. Books
16. Long Drives
17. Taking Photos
18. Music
19. Learning
20. Getting an A
21. Being Alone
22. Being with People
23. Concerts

24. Mango

25. Getting Shit Done

Till Next Time,

Jax 

Fear.

To be alone. Some people feel at ease and some don’t. I am one of those that does not feel at ease. I hate being alone. I hate the feeling. I feel lost. For most of my life, I thought being alone was amazing. No one judging you. No one to annoy you. No one there. However, the older I get the more it has turned from bliss to fear. Being alone gives me anxiety. It is strange because I have never had a significant other to be there for me to provide me with support. I have never had to depend on someone, but I was wrong. I grew up with a few friends and my family. Those are people that were always there for me. So now, in my adult life, when I have to do things by myself like going to the dining hall—I feel fear. When I grow attached to someone—and I mean really grow attached to them—comfort is created. The anxiety I once felt is soothe away because I am in their company. It can be anyone too. As long as there is a relationship, I am comfortable. The minute they leave me, the comfort leaves too. My heart starts racing and I can feel how my body is tensing up. I start to create scenarios in my head in which bad things occur. I imagine everything bad to happen to me, which in reality may never happen. Isn’t that sad? How childish? How wrong? I should be independent, well at least everyone tells me that. Actually, you don’t even have to say it. It is expected from people once they reach the age of being able to speak and walk—and past 12 years old. So, does this fear make me less of a person? I don’t think so. It isn’t that I am in search of a significant other. It isn’t because I want to have a boyfriend in order to let people know that I have someone I confide in. I always talk about boys, I feel. It isn’t because I need one. I guess in my head I just created this idea that once I have one, I will be more okay. You know, having so many friends that are in relationships and seeing how happy they are, it is nice. They have a person to confide in. I want that! A person. In my case, I want the person to be of the other gender. It isn’t that I need to depend on him. I don’t need him. I hope I am not coming off as a woman who needs a man in order to feel complete. It isn’t that. I just want someone that can help me through this fear. 

It is simply a scary thing—to me. I don’t want to die alone, although I know that death is a solitary act.I think it would be nice to fall in love. I think it will be nice to start a family. I think it will be nice to grow old with someone. This isn’t a plea to find a special someone. This is simply that I want for myself in the future. 

I guess what I am trying to convey is that I want to see if I can find comfort or security in a relationship. Trust me, I don’t need a man in my life. I just want to see how different it would be to have a man in my life. 

Till Next Time,

Jax

The One That Started It All

People call me Jackie--all thanks to my mother. I am from California. I met Esther while in college. Ever since that one morning that she moved in we have been inseparable. Our other roommate was alright (Just kidding, Jo). So, about this blog, it sort of just happened. It doesn’t really have a theme. It will be a lifestyle type of blog. Esther and I will write about things that interest us in life. We are just two girls trying to do something productive while procrastinating really important things. Hopefully this blog will be capable of capturing who we are without making us appear like pretentious college students. Throughout our blogging time we will be answering questions like the one Esther has written today.

-Jax

So obviously I’ll be the funny one of the two.

My name is Esther, and I’m from Hawaii. Lol that’s the most interesting topic about me so I might as well get it out of the way. Jackie and I were once roommates and she hasn’t stopped bothering me ever since. I can’t blame her, though; I’m pretty amazing.

The truth is I don’t know squat about anything, so most of what I’ll be writing here will probably be BS. I apologize in advance. But hopefully it’ll be fun.

-E

As for our first post, we’ll be talking about our first crush.

Alright, let’s take a trip down memory lane…

Esther

Ok, so OFFICIALLY my first crush was a boy in fifth grade. His name was Christopher. My friends and I had begun to discover the wonders of celebrity heartthrobs about a year earlier but it was only then when “crushes” began to apply to our snotty-nosed peers. My best friend began having a thing for a cousin of mine and pretty soon “love” was in the air and I was suffocating from the lack thereof of it in my life. As we walked by one of the classrooms we saw Chris doing something nice, probably watering some plants or something. My brilliant plan hatched right then and there and I decided to LIE. You know, like a liar. I pointed him out to my best friend and said “I like Christopher. He’s really nice. And cute.” She looked at me really surprised (which made sense because Chris and I hardly ever talked so how would I know if he was nice or not). Anyways, she teased me about him every time we passed him since then and every time I had to pretend I was in love and shy and all that good stuff. I still think she might think I really liked him. Which, don’t get me wrong he WAS a nice guy, but I didn’t like him.

My first real crush is a longer story, but that’s for another time.

Jackie

...I can’t really say that it was a crush, since I probably didn’t know what a crush was at the time, but I did find some weird attraction to this kid named Ricky. He was this kid that just seemed cool. When you are in first grade, everything is cool and this boy was cool to me. He was quiet and had spiky black hair. From what I can remember, he also liked the same things I liked: pokemon and oreos--it was a match made in elementary school heaven. Around this time is when the whole cooties thing became a thing, so this crush was crushed within a few months. After the cootie thing died, I never looked at Ricky the same way. In my mind, Ricky was a cootie filled boy that was up to no good. So much for a first crush, right?