Mangoñada

Mmm good.

 Alright, when it comes down to a favorite dessert I don't have one. For me to say that I have a sweet tooth would be a lie. Desserts are usually associated with cake, cupcakes, ice cream, etc. My favorite dessert can be considered more of a summer treat? Or, to a few, a dessert. They are called mangoñadas. 

  These babies are sweet, spicy, cold, and addictive. I would associate them with a raspado. If you grew up in a big city that has a huge hispanic community, you know how amazing raspados are. I freakin love them. They are the best thing to eat on a summer day. Where I live, the days can get extremely hot so I love when I hear the bells of the paletero man. A mangoñada is everything a raspado is and more. It is based with my favorite fruit--mango--and covered with chili and topped with a chili candy. I really can't explain how refreshing this treat is. You must try it in order to understand my love for the mangoñada.

Till Next Time,

Jax

P.s. Esther this was actually a hard prompt. Describing a dessert is not as easy as I thought--my bad. 

25 Things That Make Me Happy B)

(In no order, of course)

1. Reuniting with people that I love and desperately miss
2. Peanut m&ms
3. The beach
4. The stars
5. People that make me feel safe being vulnerable around them
6. People that laugh at my terrible jokes
7. Believe it or not, kids asking a thousand questions trying to understand something
8. Kids wanting to go with me instead of their parents (suck it, suckahs!)
9. Praying
10. PLOT TWISTS
11. SPOILERS (lol, ironic right? But I love spoilers just as much as I love plot twists)

12. RESOLVED ENDINGS. They don't even have to be happy endings, just... finished. Unless it's part of a series of some sort. Then please, carry on. 

13. Actually any good story that I continue thinking about throughout the day (either movie, tv, book, etc.)
14.  Friends being cool or nice or funny and reminding me why they're such great friends
15. Flan
16. Spooning with my mom. Lol don't judge but I love her
17. Singing really loud in the car
18. Dancing all by myself like a giant dork
19. Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles
20. 3a.m. pillow talk with your closest friends (note: 3a.m. pillow talk can happen at any time of the day. Even at four in the afternoon.)
21. Just... thinking about the people I love makes me happy
22. Having my immediate family together makes me incredibly happy too
23. Yeah, concerts is a good one Jax :P
24. Remembering that I'm not alone and that I might be small in this universe but I'm still so incredibly important, even if just to the people that love me and to myself
25. This emoticon B)

I like this week's prompt
See you next Saturday, Jax
-E

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things That Make Me Happy

Yes, I just made a rendition of that one song from that one movie.

1. Dogs
2. Potatoes
3. Hiking
4. Eating
5. Sleeping
6. Singing
7. Trivia
8. Television
9. Movies
10. Family/Friends
11. Puns
12. Disneyland
13. Yoga
14. Tumblr/Fandoms
15. Books
16. Long Drives
17. Taking Photos
18. Music
19. Learning
20. Getting an A
21. Being Alone
22. Being with People
23. Concerts

24. Mango

25. Getting Shit Done

Till Next Time,

Jax 

Don't get me wrong, I still care about you, but I don't care about you anymore

Frank,

You messed up everything. You were the worst boss anyone has ever had. You were rude and disrespectful and man, the absolute worst. I try not to hold grudges, but like I said, you were seriously the worst. 

It sucks that we don't have the friendship we once had. You've always been both a family-friend and a friend. I love your kids and your wife, you know that. It wasn't too long ago when we would bond at the back of church complaining at how long the service was taking. Remember when you had to ask me to take care of your four little monsters at god-awful times because everyone else was too busy for your bratty but adorable kids? I do. I'm telling you, I thought Isaiah was a headache but then your wife brought in lil Derek to the world and boy was he freaking obnoxious. I loved baby-sitting them. Your wife is literally the coolest chick on the planet. Seriously, if you didn't marry her I'm pretty sure I would've proposed. She legit makes the best empanadas in the world and dang, she's literally the nicest person ever. A little while ago, my older cousin was trying to get us to remember when I used to have a crush on you when I was a little girl and you took care of me. I definitely don't remember it like you do, but I'm bringing it up to emphasize how long we've known each other and how close we've always been. 

I can't believe you held a knife against me as if it was just a joke. I can't believe you mocked my goals and ambitions as if you didn't know how much it all meant to me. I can't believe you had the nerve to talk down to my little cousin in front of my face as if I wouldn't do anything. I can't believe you tried to talk crap about my mother as if I'd go along. Or the way you'd ignore me like a middle-school princess when I didn't follow your "orders" at that godforsaken restaurant. Or the way you'd only bring us extra rags for the dishes and you'd still demand a cut in the cashiers' tips even though you were our freaking manager and didn't need the money. Or the way you'd throw your petty hissy fits in front of the customers because YOU couldn't roll the burrito YOU overstuffed. Seriously, YOU WERE THE WORST! 

I miss talking to you, man. Like before that part-time summer job. I miss talking to your wife without having to take note of where you're standing so I can walk away before I explode on your sorry ass if you get too close because I miss you but I still can't stand the thought of you. I miss your kids too. Now we have a mutual understanding that we don't cross each other's paths, not even at beach barbecues or during car rides to church or even at the Christmas table.  My mom said that it was probably the stress of the two jobs you were carrying at the time. It was because the manager position had a bigger burden on you than I realized. See, my mom and the rest of the people that decided to forgive your stupidity have had the chance to patch things up. But I only see you when I go home for breaks, so we don't have the luxury of time to help us move past this. Hopefully one day we'll get to talking though. If I don't murder you first for being such an incredible asshole.

You honestly messed up everything. 

-E

Dear Ruby

I am sorry I lost contact with you. We met when we were in fourth grade and immediately became friends after discovering that we had a mutual crush. You were such a cool girl, to me. You knew a lot about music and loved Usher. You were so strong and smart. You knew what you wanted to do and you were never afraid. We created a beautiful friendship within two years. I remember when we would leave class in order to go to our music classes. You were the only female flute player and I was the only female clarinet player. The bond we created was beautiful.
Our friendship blossomed even more in middle school. It was a time where we realized that we wouldn't be able to hangout every single minute of our academic life. We had different classes and started new friendships, but we still managed to have a great friendship. You always told me to not be afraid of people and, if I was, to just let you know because you had my back. You were an intimidating person to others, but not to me. You were an amazing person. You were the true definition of a friend.
I remember that one birthday of yours,towards the end of our middle school years. You planned a trip to Disneyland with a big group of mutual friends. That Disneyland trip was amazing. Everyone had so much fun and were truly enjoying themselves. No one fought and no one complained. We ended the night at your home and had a huge sleepover. We watched Up and we all talked about our lives. It was truly a memorable day.
As we entered high school, things changed. You went to a different school that was miles away from my school. You still kept inviting me to events but I failed our friendship. I became someone that would say "Oh, I can't go." I would find ways to get out of meeting up and I truly regret that. I never meant to create such distance between us, but I did. You always tried and I never reciprocated it. I am sorry for that. I should have tried because you were an amazing friend. I know that we still have a small string of friendship but I wish we could have a stronger one. You are a beautiful person--inside and out. I have seen you grown from a little girl to a beautiful woman. I just wish I could have been a part of that growth.

Take care and know that I will always be here regardless of the distance that has been created.

Love, 

Jackie

Scaredy Cat

You might think that it's silly because it's so generic, but my biggest fear is falling. The whole process of being out of control and hurting myself is scary and I avoid almost any situation that can put me in that position. I don't think I remember a reason as to why I get irrationally nervous about falling. I remember using my new roller blades I got for Christmas one morning when I went over a small hill and hit my forehead against the sidewalk. I bled a lot and I was crying like a baby, but I was scared way before that. I also remember refusing to let my dad let go of the back of the bicycle when I was little; to this day I still don't know how to ride a bike.

I think a lot about how I limit myself to try new things because of how scared I am of falling, and I'm not gonna lie, I get kinda bummed. I don't like to hike much because loose dirt and rocks can slide from underneath me on steep slopes.  If a beach has cliffs before the shore, I can't go. If stairs are slippery from a hard day's rain, I'll skip class. I know that everyone feels that hesitation to a degree, but I wished I had the motivation to push through the fear and just take those steps on slippery ground confidently. Sometimes I can't believe at all the beautiful sceneries this fear makes me miss out on. All the adventures I won't be able to go on. And I try to work on it sometimes. I've conditioned myself to not run away from roller coasters now! If my job requires me to get on a step-ladder, I won't start to cry (as loud as I want to). I try my best to never be the reason friends or family can't have fun or don't do something. I do my best to keep up, honestly.
And the thing that kills me the most is the fact that the worst that can happen is that I'll hurt myself physically. Like... I'll fall and I scrape my knee. I'll scrape my knee? That's nothing, right? I'm tough, and I'll heal. What's a really bad fall? I'll fall and hit my head. I'll hit my head? That's still healable, and I'm still pretty tough. Scratches, bruises, a broken leg... even the worst physical injury can be healed, in my opinion. But the anxiety comes and I can't help but get nervous.
I know it's not everything... but I'm working on it. Hopefully it'll be a fear I can one day overcome.

See you next Saturday,
-E

Fear.

To be alone. Some people feel at ease and some don’t. I am one of those that does not feel at ease. I hate being alone. I hate the feeling. I feel lost. For most of my life, I thought being alone was amazing. No one judging you. No one to annoy you. No one there. However, the older I get the more it has turned from bliss to fear. Being alone gives me anxiety. It is strange because I have never had a significant other to be there for me to provide me with support. I have never had to depend on someone, but I was wrong. I grew up with a few friends and my family. Those are people that were always there for me. So now, in my adult life, when I have to do things by myself like going to the dining hall—I feel fear. When I grow attached to someone—and I mean really grow attached to them—comfort is created. The anxiety I once felt is soothe away because I am in their company. It can be anyone too. As long as there is a relationship, I am comfortable. The minute they leave me, the comfort leaves too. My heart starts racing and I can feel how my body is tensing up. I start to create scenarios in my head in which bad things occur. I imagine everything bad to happen to me, which in reality may never happen. Isn’t that sad? How childish? How wrong? I should be independent, well at least everyone tells me that. Actually, you don’t even have to say it. It is expected from people once they reach the age of being able to speak and walk—and past 12 years old. So, does this fear make me less of a person? I don’t think so. It isn’t that I am in search of a significant other. It isn’t because I want to have a boyfriend in order to let people know that I have someone I confide in. I always talk about boys, I feel. It isn’t because I need one. I guess in my head I just created this idea that once I have one, I will be more okay. You know, having so many friends that are in relationships and seeing how happy they are, it is nice. They have a person to confide in. I want that! A person. In my case, I want the person to be of the other gender. It isn’t that I need to depend on him. I don’t need him. I hope I am not coming off as a woman who needs a man in order to feel complete. It isn’t that. I just want someone that can help me through this fear. 

It is simply a scary thing—to me. I don’t want to die alone, although I know that death is a solitary act.I think it would be nice to fall in love. I think it will be nice to start a family. I think it will be nice to grow old with someone. This isn’t a plea to find a special someone. This is simply that I want for myself in the future. 

I guess what I am trying to convey is that I want to see if I can find comfort or security in a relationship. Trust me, I don’t need a man in my life. I just want to see how different it would be to have a man in my life. 

Till Next Time,

Jax