My "Gone Forever" Bag

If I were to leave home forever and know that I'd never return, that bag would be really heavy.
The First thing I'd pack would be my bilingual bible. Not only would it be good reading, I think it would help me stay connected to my parents as much as it would to God.
The Second thing I would pack would be a folder and a box that I keep all my memorabilia in. Stupid things such as paper masks from acquaintances in middle school, ticket stubs from horror movies, or the baby doll that I promised a little girl I'd take care of while she was away; every single one of those things are important.
The Third (Fourth?) thing I'd pack would be my tech, such as my computer, my ipod, and my camera, because if I'm leaving home then I must be seeing new places, and all of these will keep me company when I'm lonely.
Lastly, I'd pack the shirts and jeans that would fit, a pair of slippers for when I want to switch out of my shoes, and a warm jacket, or else my mom would get mad at me.

My guitar wouldn't fit in my luggage so I'd have to carry that in my other hand.

Till next time,

-E

First Night Away from Home

This prompt is a little harder for me because I was always away from home as a kid either because of sleepovers or camping trips. When I got to high school, I was always leaving for school trips to the mainland or other islands and one summer I left for a month to take classes in Michigan. But the first time I permanently left home was when I left for college.

My older brother picked me up from the airport and I was really tired but I didn't want him to be alone for the car trip, so I stayed up. We drove to the campus town which was an hour away and watched comedians on YouTube while we got there. 

When we finally got to the local town, we drove around until we found a motel. We parked as close as we could to the room and took all of our stuff out in case car-jacking was a thing in the neighborhood. I remember being on my phone that night in bed and when he turned over on his own bed he said, "turn off your phone and go to bed." 

I already said goodbye to dad, I remember thinking. I just turned down the brightness level. It didn't hit me that night.

We got up early the next morning and drove all my things to campus so I can finally move in my luggage. I walked in on my sleeping roommates at 9:30a.m. I felt bad for waking them. 

My brother was extremely kind and took me to go shopping for things that couldn't fit in the luggage and I had to leave at home, like a printer, a lamp, all my school supplies, all my dorm and housing necessities, and that's not to mention the fully set up brand new laptop he gave me as a gift before. I'm really grateful for my brother.

We moved the rest of the things back in later that evening. I completely ditched all of the mandatory orientation meetings that day. He set up my printer and helped me do my bed, and then with some cash in my hand and an overwhelming hug, he left to start his 6-hour drive back home.

I was really nervous because I was really away from home. Just the morning before I said goodbye to best friend, my family, and my entire life. Just the morning before I had a fight with my mother that could've easily been one of the most regrettable moments of my life had she not been kind enough to forgive me. Just the morning before I thought I had everything figured out. The campus was pretty and the dorms seemed safe but it wasn't until that night when my roommates almost had me dying with laughter that I figured that everything was gonna be alright. 

-E

Did "summer me" make it? Lol, no

I only had two flexible, easy-to-reach goals for myself this summer, and I only achieved one. If that isn't the metaphor of my life.

My two goals were:
1.) Pass my summer classes
2.) Go to the beach (15min. away) at least once a week.

I didn't go to the beach once a week. In fact, I think I only went a little over half the amount I needed to. I made excuses for myself too. There wasn't enough time, I didn't have a car, the buses weren't running today I think, it wasn't the right weather, etc., etc. The funny thing is that it was a goal that wasn't even necessary for the greater good or my success. It was a goal I set in order to balance myself and give myself the opportunity to dwell in the places that bring me peace, and I still didn't stick to it. I don't what this says other than the fact that I'm an extremely lazy person. If you have any theories, let me know!

-E

Word List

Descriptive words of "little" me:

-kind

-loud

-sincere

-obnoxious

-innocent

-optimistic

-CURIOUS

-silly

-dirty

-obedient

-sensitive

-confident

Descriptive words of "current" me:

-obnoxious

-silly

-stubborn

-optimistic

-approachable

-aware

-hopeful

-lost

-nervous

-anxious

-shy

-determined

It's funny what's similar and what's different. I'm a lot more doubtful of myself. And I'm a lot less sincere about the things I do or the way I act. But I'm obviously more educated. And I'm more balanced. Growing up is weird. 

-E

Zero to Hero

This isn't original, but it doesn't mean it's not genuine. Honestly, the people I consider heroes in my life are my parents. Both my mother and my father were teen immigrants that somehow created and built a STABLE life for my brother and me.

They are both strong, independent people. But they also tag-team each other in their strengths. My mom is strong and logical; my dad is patient and empathetic. They're sensitive to others' needs and are aware of where their help is needed. All the while, they've built this world where my brother and I have always felt capable beyond description. 

They're honestly really far from perfect. But they help others the best they can with all that they have. And I think that's the best way I could ever describe a hero. 

-E

[Spongebob Cue Card] Five Years Later...

If all goes as planned, five years from now I will be in my second year of law school. Which law school, who knows? But it will be one that makes me happy and it will probably be located where I'm going to continue my career afterwards. Maybe I'd meet my significant other by then, but if not it's okay. I'd be in my first stable apartment and it would be the first time in a long time where I can fully make the place my own. I'd have a low-maintenance pet, like a turtle or a kitten, and I'd be going to the gym on a routinely basis because I already decided that's a responsibility for Future Esther. I probably won't have dyed hair. Unless I do. Who knows.

-E

24 Going On 25.

Five years from now I will be turning 25. I will hopefully be out of college and done with all school. Maybe I will be in a long term relationship--hopefully, soon to be engaged? Ya know, I had an ideal timeline planned out for my life but I feel like fate is truly just going to do its own thing. I will hopefully have a steady job. I don't know the specific title, but I hope to be working at the Los Angeles City Hall. If not, then I hope to be traveling. I also hope all of my family is doing well and they are healthy. I will most likely get another dog to give Dobby some company. If I am back in LA, I hope to have an apartment and living on my own or with one other roommate. I really hope I am in a position where I am able to take care of my mom. Not like physically--hopefully not physically. She better be doing well--health wise. And, life wise--I just hope that she is less stressed with her financial situation.

In the end, I just hope that in five years I will be happy.

-Jacks

I guess I'm not over it

When I was a kid, around 4 or 5 years old, I made it well known to everyone who had functioning ears that I wanted a little sister. It became a running joke between the elders of the church to ask me (in front of my parents) what prayers I wanted God to answer, and it was always the same thing: a little sister. It made my parents nervous because they were done having kids but they didn't know how to tell me that, so they just let me pray. 

As I got older and hit about 8 years old, I changed the prayer up a bit. I figured I was being waayy too selfish and limiting and so I let God know that it didn't have to be a girl, a little brother would've been okay too. "Dear God, send me a baby brother OR sister" was my new and constant prayer. 

When I was in the seventh grade, around 12 years old then, I thought God had finally answered my prayers. My parents took in a foster child and even though I've gone through the process before with other foster siblings, I made the most dreadful mistake anyone working as a temporary foster family can do: I fell in love with the kid as if he was my real baby brother. 

In the shortest words, he was my first critical lesson about what this "unconditional love" everyone talked about was all about. He was so hurt and damaged when he first came to our home and yet he taught me so much about kindness and gentleness and growth about love and so much more love, he really did. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved him too, but I was the one who changed his diapers and gave him baths and held his hand as he started to walk and I really loved him. Everyone at church wanted to play with him and hold him (as they like to do when newborns are introduced) but at the end of the day, he was always returned to my arms. Man, I really did love him. And you know what? I think he loved me back. 

Anyways, the worst day of my life was the day I came home from school and found him strapped in a car seat, napping. I walked into my house, confused, and saw his mom sitting on my couch and not in jail as I thought she should've been for the next couple years. It turns out she was released early and took a couple of classes on anger management or something and she was ready to take back custody of him again and that's why she was there. I was a kid, so I had no say. When I confronted my mother - crying my eyes out as soon as they left - for being so heartless and letting them take him from us, she turned away and reminded me that he was her baby, not ours. Now that I'm older, I see that my mom was seeing the situation as a mother herself and couldn't ask the lady to leave her kid, but that still doesn't make me feel better.

The mom and her kid moved out of country about a week later. I don't know how they're doing. I hope he's okay. 

Yeah, that's it. I used to use my anger and frustration as fuel for personal writing and volunteer work. I was really angry at my parents, definitely God, and quite frankly the entire world. That boiling anger actually lasted all the way up to a giant chunk of high school too. But now I just sorta feel empty whenever I think about him. So this post was fun to reminisce on. And the worst part is that I loved him with my entire heart and we taught him so much and he doesn't have a single memory of us because he was still so young. I finally understand why all those old relatives ask me if I remember them, and it's sad because I never do. But it's been over and done for a while so I'm okay now, I guess. 

See ya next Saturday, 

-E

(P.S. Sorry for the culture-appropriating costumes, it was for a Thanksgiving skit and we didn't know better at the time. My sincerest apologies.)

Cuz You Have A Bad Day

*cue Daniel Powter or Alvin & the Chipmunks

So, I can't remember one specific bad day. I can, however, remember the reason for those bad days: my parents arguing. When I was little, my parents would argue all the time. My dad would say that he would leave the house and, at one point, he did. He left for like a year. I was very young and my mom had just had my brother. It was very stressful for my mom and I. She always put on a brave face, but I knew she was feeling horrible.
I believe that those arguments shaped me into the person I am today. I know they were very hurtful--especially for a child whom was around six years old--but I don't want my parents to be thought of as being bad parents. Yes, fighting in front of me really hurt me, but it taught me a lot. It taught me that sometimes people need support even if they don't say it out loud. It taught me that you have to make tough decisions even though you may love someone. And, it taught me how parents are not always right.
The downside to the arguing is that I became a very reserve and anxious person. (I must really sound like a fucked up person right now) After having experienced so much fighting, I started doubting people. Making friends became difficult. Speaking out loud was agonizing. And, saying "I love you" became pointless. I still haven't fully surpassed these difficulties. I, probably, experience more stress now because I am more aware. I feel like I am losing friendships because I feel like I am bother to people. I feel like I am distancing myself from my family because I don't know how to express my feelings--which sucks. I really want to say how much I appreciate everything but I don't know how. I feel that if I start to vocalize my feelings then I will hurt them or they will hurt me.

I am really scared of getting hurt.

-Jack

Best Day Ever

What I now see as the best day of my life could've easily been one of the most disappointing days of my life, and that was the day I got to see Tenth Avenue North, my favorite band, live in concert.

Long story short, I was incredibly lucky and managed to be dead-center in the front row at the concert with my closest friends. I sang along to every single melody, bridge, and all the pick-ups in between. I felt the music, I teared a little, I laughed a lot, I was moved. They had two encores.

A second long story short, because their Merch team saw me fangirl like no other earlier that afternoon as they were setting up the booth, they managed to convince security to let my friends and me cut in the autograph line or else we wouldn't of had the opportunity. When I got to Mike, the lead singer, he said "Hi, Esther!" which was amazing because I forgot I had a name-tag for a second so I freaked on how he knew my name. We had a silly and unforgettable exchange in which he looked up and said, "Hey! I saw you!" To which I dorkily replied, "Oh cool! I saw you too!" I quickly shared how much their music meant a lot and he wrote a cool message on my shirt he signed. After that, I still had the luck to thank the rest of the amazing band members of the band for their incredible work, which are Jeff, Jason, Ruben, and Brendon down the picture.

Yeah, there was a calmness and a thrill all at the same time that night. It was like meditating on a rollercoaster. The live music changed me and I had the opportunity to talk to one of the most inspiring men in my young adult life. I hope I never forget that night.

See you next Saturday,
-E

It's The Best Day Everrrrrrrr

*cue Spongebob

Okay, so my best day so far has been High School Graduation. The day felt like it ended really quick, but so much happened. First of all, I finished high school! Like, hell yeah! It was so great. Not that high school was horrible, but the feeling of accomplishment of something that had lasted four years was amazing. It truly felt like an ending chapter. I knew that I was no longer going to be in high school. I would no longer have to wake up at 6 am. I would no longer have to tolerate people who act like idiots. I would no longer have to see some people. I would no longer have to deal with the bullshit that had been built over the past four years. 

I was now going to be a college student. A person that no longer lives with their parents full time. A person that would be responsible over every decision they make. A person that was going to be a pre-adult. 

The feeling was amazing. Not only for the reasons that have been mentioned, but also because I was making my family proud. It may sound cliché but it feels real good to know that your family is proud. 

It was simply a very exciting day. On that specific day, I knew that in a few months my life would completely change--and it was amazing. 

-Jax

If I could have any super ability...

If I had the opportunity to be able to have any type of superpower, I'd wish to fly with wings. It's a little ironic considering I don't like heights, but I'd deal with that if I'd ever get the chance to soar the skies. On road trips, I love the feeling of the wind blowing on my face and lacing through my fingers as I get the chance to run down a lonely highway. I can't imagine how it would feel gliding through clouds, the exhilaration of the speed, the cool whip of the air hitting my body, being in control of the speed and never worrying about falling down ever again, truly limitless. I think that's why I'm attracted to the idea of angels; they're just the perfect icon for flying humans. Them and Hawkgirl, of course. 

Man, birds are so lucky. 

-E

SuperPower...(a subtle power)

*cue Beyoncé

To be honest, I am afraid of having superpowers. I've always thought of superpowers like crack--not that I have done crack--simply because I hear it is addictive. Superpowers sound like something that is great but can easily become bad. I imagine myself as someone who can go crazy at the realization of my superpower ability. However, regardless of my fear of ever having powers, I have thought about a few powers that I'd like to have.

1. Communicating with animals.

I freakin love animals. Anyone who knows me knows that. I love to cuddle with animals. I will admit that I even speak to animals, although it may be a one sided conversation. When I was younger, I would watch The Wild Thornberrys a lot. I thought it was amazing how Eliza could speak to animals--which I think is a big part of why I would want to speak to animals.

2. Healing
It would be a great power simply because you can stop the pain someone can be feeling. I hate seeing people in pain. It hurts me seeing people in pain. I know that doctors somewhat have this power, to which I applaud, but I don't have the mental capacity of being one. Therefore, having the power of removing pain in one touch would be really incredible.

3. Teleportation
Like c'mon how can you not want this power. I feel like it would make me even more lazy and, to be honest, I wouldn't mind. I'd never be late and I'd never be tired.

4. The ability of retaining everything I learn
Knowledge is the ultimate power.

-Jax

p.s. I am sorry for the terrible job I am doing.

One Quote To Rule Them All

Back in elementary there was a poster on the wall. It had a picture of a polar bear watching another polar bear slip on ice and it was captioned "Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't make them all yourself." I didn't know then that the quote would have such an impact on my life.

I think of these words whenever someone tries to give me any form of advice. It's easy for me to think I know what's best for myself, but the truth is there's no way I can know everything. This quote has helped me change my attitude about so many things in life. Not only have I learned a lot from others' experiences, I've also learned to be more empathetic to those around me. Sometimes I want to ditch out on another "when I was your age..." lecture, but honestly, if there are people that HAVE been through what I've been through, why wouldn't I take the time to listen to their advice? At worst, even if what they say is not applicable to my situation, I got to know a little more about another person's life, which is always cool. From this, I've learned so many invaluable lessons, such as "What other people think of you is none of your business; stop being so nosy," from my college P.E. teacher. Or "So what if she doesn't like you? Your world is not going to stop because of her. And neither are your chores," from my mother.

Also, I've learned that it's not just the words that people share, but the stories behind their words. It's crazy to me that there's 7 different billion individual lives but we can all share similar feelings, like heartache or nervousness or pride. I make my own mistakes every day and try to learn from those, but I'm still really ignorant about so much more than what I actually know. If I want to be smart, I have to keep learning. And if experience is the best teacher, then it's best I listen when someone decides to share some of their own.

Until next week,

-E

Thank You, Lead Singer.

Last year, I had the privilege of attending a Temper Trap concert at the Roxy in West Hollywood. I hadn't been a fan of them and was actually planning on attending an Arctic Monkeys concert. I however did not manage to get tickets for the Monkeys before the actual date, so decided to go watch Temper Trap. 

Do I regret my decision? No. 

I had never given this magnificent band my time of day. I had heard there more popular songs, but nothing off any of their albums. I was pleasantly surprised at how talented this band is. They have great rhythm in the music and with each other. They focus on the music and make the audience truly listen and enjoy their music. They are beautiful people. 

After a good two hours of performing, the lead singer concluded with saying "Mistakes keep people honest." I don't know why but it really stuck with me. I thought it was a great quote. The quote is very true. Maybe I thought too much of it, but I thought there was no lie in it. A mistake that is accepted does keep people honest. He said the quote after restarting the performance of one of their songs, which I think really made me like them even more. They did not care that they are a well known band. They simply cared about giving the best performance they could give. 

I used to be afraid of saying I am wrong, but now it hasn't been that difficult. I make mistakes and I am okay with it. If I want to show people who I am, I need to show them this clumsy-mistake making-messy girl. It will keep me honest and real. 

Thank you, Dougy Mandagi.

Love, 

Jax

To CyberEsther

Afternoon, Esther!

I hope you're doing well! Do you remember me? I'm chilling in college rn, being a dork and writing this to get away from practicing guitar lol. Btw, I'm "text" writing so you remember how cool you were back in the now B). 

How's life going for you? I hope you're happy. You got a family or kids? Where ya living? I guess I'll get my answers with time so I'll stop there.

I just want to let you know that I love you. Wherever you're at in life, I love you. You can be at the top of your highest potential or you can be going through the worst experience in existence, Past You (I?) still loves you. Hopefully you get out of this sludge soon and you become ambitious again. I know you've always been capable of big things (I sound like mom, huh). Idk your goals anymore, odds are they've changed as you've gotten older and matured. Just remember to go after them, okay? You had a lot of dreams when you were my age (so meta), so don't let go of that. I'm assuming that because you're older and hopefully you'll have a steady career and you'll have more resources, so make sure to help out mama and dad whenever you can. 

Also, don't forget that you're invincible, alright? Remember that quote that used to haunt us from The Breakfast Club? "When you grow up, your heart dies." 

Yeah, don't let it die. Remember to be a good person, okay. Don't pretend like you forgot the struggles of being a kid like a jerk. If our dreams come true and you're where we always wanted to be, don't forget where you came from. 

Again, I love you. Take care, E, talk to you soon.

Also, call Jack if she hasn't called you in a while. ;)

See you soon? (Idk.)

-E

Hope You Read This 10 Years From Now

A worry I have always had is whether I am happy. So, I'd like to know if you're happy? Did you get the career you wanted? Did you get married? Do you have a kid? Do you feel good?

 I hope that you have reached some level of happiness. I know that you have probably lived through some of the most life changing years, so I want you to be happy. I want you to make sure that you are happy. If you are not, why are you not changing your life? You have the strength to do so even though you may not think so. Don't keep living the life that you don't want to be living. 

If you are reading this and haven't had a proper vacation in a long time, take one. Take a few days for yourself. Book your flight, hotel, and a car. Get out of your daily routine and go enjoy some time for yourself. 

Also, call Esther if you haven't spoken to her in a while. 

Love,

Jax

My Dearest Esther

To 5 year-old me:

I love you so much. Continue asking questions. Learn, okay? Don't ever stop learning. Talk to the people that love to listen to you and leave them alone if they tell you to do so. It's okay to talk to yourself. Say sorry if you hurt people's feelings. Remind mama, daddy, and Julio how much you love them because they are the only people in the world that won't get tired of listening to you say that. Continue being nice and make sure to help mama with the chores whenever you can. Keep singing, too, loudly and without a care. I love you so much and I want you to know that you're my inspiration, even if I'm the bigger one. I love you. 

-Esther 

To 10 year-old me:

I love you, you beautiful, intelligent girl. It's okay if you're not in the same class as your friends, just keep working hard. Stop fighting with Julio because let me tell you, you're going to miss him real bad when he's gone. It's okay not to like the same things your friends like, you don't have to grow up fast. You're going to learn a lot about yourself and the people around you soon. Be nice and be patient, things will make more sense as you continue to learn. I know I've told you to keep asking questions, but now it's time to learn about silence. Sometimes it's better to not say anything at all, even if you want to talk. It's called being considerate. Be careful of what you say, when you say it, and who you say things too. Yes, all of these are important. Keep singing loudly though, and make sure you help mama with all the chores, you hear? I love you.

-Esther 

To 14 year-old me:

I love you SO much, baby girl. I'm sorry you're so mad. I can still feel it sometimes. I'm sorry they don't understand, but I hear you, I promise. And I promise you that you'll learn a lot about yourself because of this. Learn to forgive, baby girl, your parents and your friends and yourself. Trust me on this, once you figure that out, your world will change. Wanna know the secret to being really cool in life? Be nice. I know how you are, and I'm telling you just be nice. A lot of people need it and I know you can be their friend if they need you to be. Enjoy yourself while you can, dad only gets stricter. Make sure you call your brother; don't be rude. You don't need to grow up so fast. You're not going to get your first job for the next two years so quit applying everywhere. Also, you're going to really love driving. That cool feeling never goes away. But please be careful. You're just fourteen, you're in no rush to be on the highway right now. Plus you're going to get mom and dad in trouble if you get into an accident so just be careful. Also, remember to be yourself baby girl, because everything that you love now, you're going to find other people in college that'll love the same things and they'll turn out to be some of your best friends ever. Keep singing, keep learning, and make sure to do the chores before mama gets home, Lord knows she can use your help. I love you.

-E

Oh, Jackie.

Dear 10 year old me,

How do I begin? I wish I could tell you that life gets easier and that you will accomplish everything you put your mind to--but I would be lying. Life only gets more complicated. You will be faced with many decisions that, at the time, will make you contemplate whether anything is worth it. However, don't doubt your self that much. Follow your gut but never ignore your intuition. Things do get a bit easier. I know that at this age you are feeling lonely, but you are not. You do have friends and you're not the black sheep in the family. Open your eyes and see all the people that care for you. Open your heart to the love that is being given to you. Don't push people away because the only person you are hurting is yourself.
In a few years, you will start becoming insecure. You will start comparing yourself to other people, which you shouldn't. Your body will change and so will you. You will understand the true meaning of friendship. You will also start to notice that not everyone you look up to is amazing. You will start to notice how horrible people can be and that will make you feel like you can't trust anyone. But, be trusting of people. I know that you became terrified after seeing the police be brutal to a poor old woman trying to make a living from selling fruit on the streets, but don't let that stop you from exploring your city. Be safe, however. Always be aware of your surroundings. Listen to your family. Even though they can be annoying, at times, and extremely over protective, they are trying their very best to give you everything they can.
You will live some amazing moments in middle school and make sure to truly enjoy them. Take more pictures. Read more books. Make yourself well educated. You aren't the brightest bulb. There is so much to learn in the world. Whatever you think you know is not even a percentage of what there is to learn. You don't know everything, so don't get offended if someone wants to correct you. Be accepting of others. Take deep breaths and always think everything through.
Also, follow your passions. I know you love music, but I also know you are afraid you won't ever understand music. Learning how to write music is not easy and neither is learning how to play an instrument. Have patience with yourself. Although, it may take you longer to learn something compared to other students, you will get it in the end. Don't quit something just because you are afraid.
Throughout the years, a thing I have learned is that curiosity is sometimes the little push that we need. Take care of yourself, Jack. And, enjoy your childhood.

 Things have a way of falling into place, as cliche as it may sound.

Love, 

Jackie

Favorite Music

Because I've only gotten more indecisive over the years, I tend to stick to my younger self's favorites when these types of questions come up. In this case, my favorite band is Tenth Avenue North. They are a contemporary Christian band that, just like any good music does, really inspired and helped me through critical times in my past. Growing up in a church, I found it incredibly easy to be intimidated by the idea of God, especially through the music that tends to be played. A lot of church/gospel music reminds the audience about the Bigness of God's "entity" and how we compare as flawed, minuscule, almost irrelevant, beings. As I went through the time in my life in where it is required for one to doubt, question, and refuse everything we once learned, Tenth Avenue North provided music that diminished the idea of me be being tiny. In fact, I think this band does a great favor to contemporary Christian music in producing songs that remind the listening audience about their intangible worth, especially in the eyes of God.

One of my favorite lines from their earlier hits is:

"You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade. 'Cause this is not about what you've done, but what's been done for you. This is not about where you've been, but where your brokenness brings you to. This is not about what you feel, But what He felt to forgive you, And what He felt to make you loved." -You Are More (2010)

Regardless of whether I was facing good times or bad times, TAN's style of writing and music production was a refreshing and constant sense of reassurance that above all, I am enough to love and be loved, and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters to me.

See you on Saturday,
-E

Music.

Being asked who my favorite artist is, what my favorite band is, and what is my favorite song is will never be easy. I will never have a simple answer because I have multiple answers. I am one of those people that is passionate about music. I have been studying music for half of my life. Music is an experience, to me. There is no better feeling than blasting your music and experiencing a blissful four minutes, in which you feel like you are alone with no worries. Music is powerful. It makes you feel so much emotion and helps you reminisce past moments in your life. However, there is no great feeling like understanding the mind of the musician. When you begin reading music and understanding the mastermind of the the musician, you will begin to understand the beauty of music. I can give you a list of all the artists, songs, and genres I like,  however I doubt you'd like to read a long list.

-Jax 

My Lillies in a Tank

Man, oh man.

My first pet was the most freakin' adorable turtle in the entire universe. Her name was Lilly.

She looked just like this (I got this pic from Google, lol) and she was the tiniest itty bitty thing when I picked her out of a box. I asked a kid that was with us to name her because I'm really bad at deciding things. (Funny story, it turns out the kid stole the turtle name from my cousin, who also got a baby turtle which she named Lilly. My cousin was mad but I couldn't change her name because my Lilly and I were already attached lol.)
I honestly did love my turtle. She was so cool and sassy and she loved me back. She wasn't demanding like a cat or dog would be 'cuz she could chill in her tank but I swear to God she loved to snuggle when I'd take her out. She also won most of the turtle races we had and she had this little ticklish spot at the bottom of her shell and dang, she was a great listener to 'lil me. I pimped out her tank and she was really clever in finding ways to escape and she was perfect. She grew up to be quite big. When I first got her, I could close my hand with her in my palm. After a couple of years, there was not way I could carry her without using both of my hands. She reached a point where she surpassed my cousin's turtle's size and overall I was the proudest turtle mommy there ever was.
One day, there was a little neighbor girl that I babysat that offered me her turtle. It turns out they had to move homes and their new place wouldn't accept turtles. I (obviously) agreed and after persuading my mother on the brilliant idea, her mother came and dropped off the new turtle the next day. It turns out the younger turtle's name was also Lilly. (Another funny story, this neighbor girl ALSO copied my cousin's turtle's name after she asked my cousin what her turtle's name was. My cousin didn't like that either, lol.) So for a while I had two Lillies, but I always knew which one was MY beautiful Lilly.
Another year or so passes and I'm babysitting another little girl. I'm older and more mature; handling my business like the responsible 7th grader that I was. She was always captivated by my amazing turtles. One day she asks me if she can have one. Obviously the answer was no, so I ignored her. Her dad comes to pick her up and she tells him he wants a turtle. But not one from the store, no; ONE OF MINE. OBVIOUSLY the answer was NO but he turned and asked me which one I'd be willing to give away. I was shy and didn't know how to say "no" at the time (you live and you learn) so I stayed quiet. He asked my mom, who watched us from the kitchen and she in turn told him that the turtles were mine and it'd be my decision alone. (She definitely overestimated my courage at the time.) He turned and asked me again which turtle I'd be willing to give up. LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT THIS IS A GROWN MAN PUSHING AN AWKWARD KID TO GIVE UP HER TURTLE FOR HIS SELFISH FOUR-YEAR-OLD WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT IT TAKES TO HANDLE A MAJESTIC POND TURTLE LIKE THE ONES I HAD.
I gave him my older Lilly because I felt like I had a responsibility to the baby turtle I promised to care for. To this day I get sick to my stomach thinking about my betrayal. Lilly must've felt it too because as we were exchanging hands, I accidentally flicked her and she bit me (which she'd NEVER done before and basically told me she'd never forgive me which made me cry like a baby from the shame). The man was a horrible person who ended up giving the turtle to a DIFFERENT NEIGHBOR OF MINE LIKE A YEAR AFTERWARDS! I learned to forgive him but I think what he did was a crappy thing to do to a kid.
I saw Lilly during one of my Christmas breaks from college. She looks so big and beautiful, but her tank was a disgusting mess. When I'm officially back home, the first thing I'm going to do is save my beautiful turtle and fix all my past mistakes because I still love her. Hopefully she'll find it in her heart to forgive me and come home with me where she belongs, because deep down, I believe she still loves me too.

-E

Mickey and Phanny

Mickey

Phanny

My first pet was a black Pomeranian called Mickey. Along with Mickey, my grandparents had a mixed Siberian husky. These two dogs were two of the most intelligent dogs I have known. They were beautiful and amazing companions. They were not obnoxious dogs. They were very calm, yet fun. I use to love taking them out to the front lawn and playing with them on hot summer afternoons. Although Phanny belonged to my grandparents, I always felt like she was more my pet. She had a little house--that my grandpa built her--where she would spend most of her time.  By the time I was born, she had already been in my family for around six years. She was old and possessive over her owners but she was loving. I do have to admit that she loved my grandpa the most. He was the person that brought her into the home; and, he was the person that built her a home. My grandpa really loved her, as well. As for Mickey, he was tiny compared to Phanny. He used to love getting into Phanny's little home--which she did not find amusing. He was always excited when he saw me. I grew up with him. Although he was relatively old (in dog years) by the time he became ours, he had a soul of a young puppy. When they both passed away, I was very sad. They were the two only two animals I had. They passed away in the same year, which was horrible. I miss them so much, but I am thankful for the years I had with them.

Till Next Time,

Jax

My Midsummer Night Dreams

So we're hitting the middle of July and this week's post was about summer goals. But because I've been in a habit of not setting any short-term goals for myself, this list will be very short. 

1. Pass my summer classes

2. Go to the beach at least once a week. 

My classes have been fun but hard, so I won't know how well I've done until it's too late (although I should pass just fine, to tell you the truth.)

And I've only missed one week of not going to the beach. So.. so far, so good, I think?

I used to be a lot more ambitious, I swear. I'm not sure what's come over me ever since I started college. Jax, do you have any suggestions for me?

Till next week,

E

Summer Goals

Whenever summer comes around I always find myself thinking about things I'd like to accomplish in my free time. Summer--to me--is like New Year. It is a time in which one can do things that they want to do/choose to do. People have more freedom and time to do things. I understand that it is not the case for everyone, but for me it is. I don't have a job. I don't have school. I simply have time. However, with having so much time, I become anxious and begin to procrastinate all of my plans. That doesn't mean that I don't accomplish things. I probably sound like I am contradicting myself. Just fyi, a lot of the time I am a person full of contradictions. I don't know how to explain it. It just happens.

This summer I have decided that I will do things that I have been wanting to do for a while. 

1. The Three E's
• Eat.
• I want to try new foods therefore I have decided, if I am going to eat out, I will eat at a new restaurant. 
• Along with eating at new restaurants, I will try to eat healthier when not eating outside.
• Explore.
• I'd like to explore new places. I will embark on a mission in which I will act as a tourist in my own city.
• Enjoy.
• I want to not regret my decisions. I will enjoy my time off.
2. Learn Something New
• I have already started thing goal. I have always wanted to learn how to code...and I started just that. I have gotten the basics down but I really need more practice.
• I would also like to learn how to drive. 
3. Change My Fashion Style
4. Read Six Books...at least!
5. Watch TV
• I have a lot of pending tv shows, like:
• Sons of Anarchy
• Arrow
• Daredevil
• Breaking Bad
• Sex And The City
• Parks and Recreation
• Orphan Black
• Sense8
• Gotham
• The Flash
• Walking Dead
• Game of Thrones
• New Girl
• Brooklyn Nine-Nine
• iZombie

Now, I highly doubt I will be capable of accomplishing every goal but I will surely try.

Till Next Time,

Jax

Flan Aka The Best Dessert in the World

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning


Lol I really do love flan. Just thinking about it gets my mouth watering. Oh man, see what you do to me, Jax?

-E

Mangoñada

Mmm good.

 Alright, when it comes down to a favorite dessert I don't have one. For me to say that I have a sweet tooth would be a lie. Desserts are usually associated with cake, cupcakes, ice cream, etc. My favorite dessert can be considered more of a summer treat? Or, to a few, a dessert. They are called mangoñadas. 

  These babies are sweet, spicy, cold, and addictive. I would associate them with a raspado. If you grew up in a big city that has a huge hispanic community, you know how amazing raspados are. I freakin love them. They are the best thing to eat on a summer day. Where I live, the days can get extremely hot so I love when I hear the bells of the paletero man. A mangoñada is everything a raspado is and more. It is based with my favorite fruit--mango--and covered with chili and topped with a chili candy. I really can't explain how refreshing this treat is. You must try it in order to understand my love for the mangoñada.

Till Next Time,

Jax

P.s. Esther this was actually a hard prompt. Describing a dessert is not as easy as I thought--my bad. 

25 Things That Make Me Happy B)

(In no order, of course)

1. Reuniting with people that I love and desperately miss
2. Peanut m&ms
3. The beach
4. The stars
5. People that make me feel safe being vulnerable around them
6. People that laugh at my terrible jokes
7. Believe it or not, kids asking a thousand questions trying to understand something
8. Kids wanting to go with me instead of their parents (suck it, suckahs!)
9. Praying
10. PLOT TWISTS
11. SPOILERS (lol, ironic right? But I love spoilers just as much as I love plot twists)

12. RESOLVED ENDINGS. They don't even have to be happy endings, just... finished. Unless it's part of a series of some sort. Then please, carry on. 

13. Actually any good story that I continue thinking about throughout the day (either movie, tv, book, etc.)
14.  Friends being cool or nice or funny and reminding me why they're such great friends
15. Flan
16. Spooning with my mom. Lol don't judge but I love her
17. Singing really loud in the car
18. Dancing all by myself like a giant dork
19. Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles
20. 3a.m. pillow talk with your closest friends (note: 3a.m. pillow talk can happen at any time of the day. Even at four in the afternoon.)
21. Just... thinking about the people I love makes me happy
22. Having my immediate family together makes me incredibly happy too
23. Yeah, concerts is a good one Jax :P
24. Remembering that I'm not alone and that I might be small in this universe but I'm still so incredibly important, even if just to the people that love me and to myself
25. This emoticon B)

I like this week's prompt
See you next Saturday, Jax
-E

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things That Make Me Happy

Yes, I just made a rendition of that one song from that one movie.

1. Dogs
2. Potatoes
3. Hiking
4. Eating
5. Sleeping
6. Singing
7. Trivia
8. Television
9. Movies
10. Family/Friends
11. Puns
12. Disneyland
13. Yoga
14. Tumblr/Fandoms
15. Books
16. Long Drives
17. Taking Photos
18. Music
19. Learning
20. Getting an A
21. Being Alone
22. Being with People
23. Concerts

24. Mango

25. Getting Shit Done

Till Next Time,

Jax 

Don't get me wrong, I still care about you, but I don't care about you anymore

Frank,

You messed up everything. You were the worst boss anyone has ever had. You were rude and disrespectful and man, the absolute worst. I try not to hold grudges, but like I said, you were seriously the worst. 

It sucks that we don't have the friendship we once had. You've always been both a family-friend and a friend. I love your kids and your wife, you know that. It wasn't too long ago when we would bond at the back of church complaining at how long the service was taking. Remember when you had to ask me to take care of your four little monsters at god-awful times because everyone else was too busy for your bratty but adorable kids? I do. I'm telling you, I thought Isaiah was a headache but then your wife brought in lil Derek to the world and boy was he freaking obnoxious. I loved baby-sitting them. Your wife is literally the coolest chick on the planet. Seriously, if you didn't marry her I'm pretty sure I would've proposed. She legit makes the best empanadas in the world and dang, she's literally the nicest person ever. A little while ago, my older cousin was trying to get us to remember when I used to have a crush on you when I was a little girl and you took care of me. I definitely don't remember it like you do, but I'm bringing it up to emphasize how long we've known each other and how close we've always been. 

I can't believe you held a knife against me as if it was just a joke. I can't believe you mocked my goals and ambitions as if you didn't know how much it all meant to me. I can't believe you had the nerve to talk down to my little cousin in front of my face as if I wouldn't do anything. I can't believe you tried to talk crap about my mother as if I'd go along. Or the way you'd ignore me like a middle-school princess when I didn't follow your "orders" at that godforsaken restaurant. Or the way you'd only bring us extra rags for the dishes and you'd still demand a cut in the cashiers' tips even though you were our freaking manager and didn't need the money. Or the way you'd throw your petty hissy fits in front of the customers because YOU couldn't roll the burrito YOU overstuffed. Seriously, YOU WERE THE WORST! 

I miss talking to you, man. Like before that part-time summer job. I miss talking to your wife without having to take note of where you're standing so I can walk away before I explode on your sorry ass if you get too close because I miss you but I still can't stand the thought of you. I miss your kids too. Now we have a mutual understanding that we don't cross each other's paths, not even at beach barbecues or during car rides to church or even at the Christmas table.  My mom said that it was probably the stress of the two jobs you were carrying at the time. It was because the manager position had a bigger burden on you than I realized. See, my mom and the rest of the people that decided to forgive your stupidity have had the chance to patch things up. But I only see you when I go home for breaks, so we don't have the luxury of time to help us move past this. Hopefully one day we'll get to talking though. If I don't murder you first for being such an incredible asshole.

You honestly messed up everything. 

-E

Dear Ruby

I am sorry I lost contact with you. We met when we were in fourth grade and immediately became friends after discovering that we had a mutual crush. You were such a cool girl, to me. You knew a lot about music and loved Usher. You were so strong and smart. You knew what you wanted to do and you were never afraid. We created a beautiful friendship within two years. I remember when we would leave class in order to go to our music classes. You were the only female flute player and I was the only female clarinet player. The bond we created was beautiful.
Our friendship blossomed even more in middle school. It was a time where we realized that we wouldn't be able to hangout every single minute of our academic life. We had different classes and started new friendships, but we still managed to have a great friendship. You always told me to not be afraid of people and, if I was, to just let you know because you had my back. You were an intimidating person to others, but not to me. You were an amazing person. You were the true definition of a friend.
I remember that one birthday of yours,towards the end of our middle school years. You planned a trip to Disneyland with a big group of mutual friends. That Disneyland trip was amazing. Everyone had so much fun and were truly enjoying themselves. No one fought and no one complained. We ended the night at your home and had a huge sleepover. We watched Up and we all talked about our lives. It was truly a memorable day.
As we entered high school, things changed. You went to a different school that was miles away from my school. You still kept inviting me to events but I failed our friendship. I became someone that would say "Oh, I can't go." I would find ways to get out of meeting up and I truly regret that. I never meant to create such distance between us, but I did. You always tried and I never reciprocated it. I am sorry for that. I should have tried because you were an amazing friend. I know that we still have a small string of friendship but I wish we could have a stronger one. You are a beautiful person--inside and out. I have seen you grown from a little girl to a beautiful woman. I just wish I could have been a part of that growth.

Take care and know that I will always be here regardless of the distance that has been created.

Love, 

Jackie

Scaredy Cat

You might think that it's silly because it's so generic, but my biggest fear is falling. The whole process of being out of control and hurting myself is scary and I avoid almost any situation that can put me in that position. I don't think I remember a reason as to why I get irrationally nervous about falling. I remember using my new roller blades I got for Christmas one morning when I went over a small hill and hit my forehead against the sidewalk. I bled a lot and I was crying like a baby, but I was scared way before that. I also remember refusing to let my dad let go of the back of the bicycle when I was little; to this day I still don't know how to ride a bike.

I think a lot about how I limit myself to try new things because of how scared I am of falling, and I'm not gonna lie, I get kinda bummed. I don't like to hike much because loose dirt and rocks can slide from underneath me on steep slopes.  If a beach has cliffs before the shore, I can't go. If stairs are slippery from a hard day's rain, I'll skip class. I know that everyone feels that hesitation to a degree, but I wished I had the motivation to push through the fear and just take those steps on slippery ground confidently. Sometimes I can't believe at all the beautiful sceneries this fear makes me miss out on. All the adventures I won't be able to go on. And I try to work on it sometimes. I've conditioned myself to not run away from roller coasters now! If my job requires me to get on a step-ladder, I won't start to cry (as loud as I want to). I try my best to never be the reason friends or family can't have fun or don't do something. I do my best to keep up, honestly.
And the thing that kills me the most is the fact that the worst that can happen is that I'll hurt myself physically. Like... I'll fall and I scrape my knee. I'll scrape my knee? That's nothing, right? I'm tough, and I'll heal. What's a really bad fall? I'll fall and hit my head. I'll hit my head? That's still healable, and I'm still pretty tough. Scratches, bruises, a broken leg... even the worst physical injury can be healed, in my opinion. But the anxiety comes and I can't help but get nervous.
I know it's not everything... but I'm working on it. Hopefully it'll be a fear I can one day overcome.

See you next Saturday,
-E

Fear.

To be alone. Some people feel at ease and some don’t. I am one of those that does not feel at ease. I hate being alone. I hate the feeling. I feel lost. For most of my life, I thought being alone was amazing. No one judging you. No one to annoy you. No one there. However, the older I get the more it has turned from bliss to fear. Being alone gives me anxiety. It is strange because I have never had a significant other to be there for me to provide me with support. I have never had to depend on someone, but I was wrong. I grew up with a few friends and my family. Those are people that were always there for me. So now, in my adult life, when I have to do things by myself like going to the dining hall—I feel fear. When I grow attached to someone—and I mean really grow attached to them—comfort is created. The anxiety I once felt is soothe away because I am in their company. It can be anyone too. As long as there is a relationship, I am comfortable. The minute they leave me, the comfort leaves too. My heart starts racing and I can feel how my body is tensing up. I start to create scenarios in my head in which bad things occur. I imagine everything bad to happen to me, which in reality may never happen. Isn’t that sad? How childish? How wrong? I should be independent, well at least everyone tells me that. Actually, you don’t even have to say it. It is expected from people once they reach the age of being able to speak and walk—and past 12 years old. So, does this fear make me less of a person? I don’t think so. It isn’t that I am in search of a significant other. It isn’t because I want to have a boyfriend in order to let people know that I have someone I confide in. I always talk about boys, I feel. It isn’t because I need one. I guess in my head I just created this idea that once I have one, I will be more okay. You know, having so many friends that are in relationships and seeing how happy they are, it is nice. They have a person to confide in. I want that! A person. In my case, I want the person to be of the other gender. It isn’t that I need to depend on him. I don’t need him. I hope I am not coming off as a woman who needs a man in order to feel complete. It isn’t that. I just want someone that can help me through this fear. 

It is simply a scary thing—to me. I don’t want to die alone, although I know that death is a solitary act.I think it would be nice to fall in love. I think it will be nice to start a family. I think it will be nice to grow old with someone. This isn’t a plea to find a special someone. This is simply that I want for myself in the future. 

I guess what I am trying to convey is that I want to see if I can find comfort or security in a relationship. Trust me, I don’t need a man in my life. I just want to see how different it would be to have a man in my life. 

Till Next Time,

Jax

Can someone say Evil Underdogs?

Last week, I wrote about my interest in kind people. One of my favorite tropes kind people have in story arcs are the "underdog" tropes, because for some reason they're never expected to be the "great Big" of the story (unless it's Superman, he's kind and always the "great Big"). I get so much gratification when they get to bask in the deserved spotlight and shock everyone once they're on top of the overall game. I get the same gratification when it comes to villains as well (or basically to anyone that gives a "screw you!" to people that never believe in their capability). That's why my favorite villains as of right now are:

The Penguin and The Riddler!

Unlike my dear friend Jackie, I love villains that are more humanized. The more relatable they are, the scarier they are. That's not to say that the Joker's Krazy didn't scar me with nightmares (because it STILL does), but I find the characters that can pass by as regular people to be tons more intimidating. The crazy thing about these two villains in particular is the fact that they're not necessarily special. Their backstories are like many villains; bullied and unappreciated to the point of insanity. And that alone is frightening to me! I've been mean to people; people have been mean to me! All these guys have is their wit, determination, and their uncharming looks! I'm witty and determined (and the comparisons stop there because I am definitely charming)! But they really don't have any super-powers or flamboyant gadgets. It's just a business man and an enigmaphile (probably not a word, I'll live with it) using their assets to get ahead in life. 

To be fair, I didn't really consider them as my favorite anything until I watched their backstories unfold in the new TV show of Gotham (2014). They just seemed so... average. The Penguin should really be called the cockroach because he keeps getting squashed and trampled on by everyone, but he still manages to pick himself and try to get ahead. And The Riddler is so sweet right now, it's exciting to him played out that way when you know what he will inevitably turn into. 

They're selfish and seek revenge and power, like most of us would be if we were wronged. I think my interest in villains come from the contradiction they bring to my heroes. They're the polar opposites that I can still turn into, and they expose the thin line between the selfish and the humble, the greedy and the kind, and the realistic and the ideal.

-E

If There Is A Superhero, There Is A Villain.

He is the definition of a villain...to me at least. He is manipulative, smart, and sadistic—a mastermind. Although we don’t exactly know his origins and there has always been ambiguity concerning his origins, I believe, the ambiguity simply makes this character more appealing as a villain. He has been portrayed by many actors and has been a prominent character in the Batman franchise. My favorite portrayal is done by Heath Ledger. I think he really captured how messed up this villain is. To tell you the truth, I thought he was frightening. I still remember watching The Dark Knight for the first time and then being afraid to go to bed. From what I have watcher since I was little, the joker usually tends to be a bit of a jokester—hence the name. But, that wasn’t the case in The Dark Knight. His character is dark. He is a great contrast to Batman. I think what Christopher Nolan was aiming to do was to create a comparison between the two characters. Both Batman and the Joker are characters that have become people who are trying to do “justice”; however, one character opted to become evil and use his power the wrong way. I think both characters have power over the people of Gotham and both of them aren’t really liked by the people. They are opposites. They both have the same amount of power but one of them uses it to help people while the other one tries to hurt people. I was talking about this with Esther and she pointed out that the Jokers unpredictable. Maybe, that is his on-going joke. He is man that will cause pain without letting anyone know. For example, in the opening scenes of The Dark Knight with all the men who are wearing clown masks. They were told to kill one another off without knowing that no one would get to share the win…how sick? The Joker is constantly changing and manipulating people. He uses people to get what his want. The scariest part about this villain is that he is human. He is someone that was at first human. He is someone that turned evil. If that doesn’t scare you, then I don’t know. I think any person turning evil and killing people is a villain.

Till Next Time, 

Jax

Favorite Superhero

Something that I've come to terms with is that I like kind people. I'm attracted to kind people, in whatever types of relationships I build up on. I think most people are good, but for the most part, we’re also pretty selfish, too. And that's definitely not a bad thing at all! I’m pretty sure it’s an evolutionary benefit that allows us to make sure that we and those closest to us are safe and provided for. Nonetheless, it makes it kind of hard for us to be compassionate towards others if it means that we need to make ourselves vulnerable. That’s why my favorite superhero is The Flash. Not only is he willing to help others, but he also does it even when it most threatens his life and his lifelong desires.

(Spoiler alert for The Flash Season 1 season finale!) 
A friend and I were talking the other day and she mentioned that she didn't like nice superheroes because they're "safe","predictable", and "boring". As she said that, I couldn't help but think the complete opposite. I think it's easy to take on the role of a vigilante or an anti-hero and consider justice and mercy to be at your judgement; it's harder to save someone otherwise. If I had a choice between saving my mother and saving the people of the city I'm in, I honestly wouldn't think twice on it because my mother has literally dealt with my crap and I would save her in a heartbeat. Mr. Barry Allen, 2nd incarnation of The Flash, just did the opposite in the show's season finale. I mean... who does that?? What kind of humble person does one need to be to give up their primary caregiver (and my personal inspiration/mentor/guide/teacher/etc.) for the sake of others? Others that have done nothing for me and will probably never ever hold any value in my heart? That's crazy-people stuff! He has to deal with the guilt, the burden, the misery, the unhappiness, and the pain of it all for a bunch of people that won't ever know about the things he does for them on the regular. And that's something that we would expect from others, but to decide for ourselves something so sacrificial is highly unlikely, amirite? 

We've learned a lot about psychology's topic on bystander apathy, and it's true: we'll depend on others to make the first step because the truth is that we all get scared. So I give it up for those that find the courage to do what's right every. single. time. Those decisions are hard, but I'm glad there are heroes like The Flash that find it in them to do just that every. single. time. Not to mention he does it all under the "comic relief" trope, which is really cool, in my opinion. He and all the kind, humble people like him are the real MVP's and I'm proud to call this "safe", "predictable", and "boring" peep my hero. 

-E 

(Ps, sorry for the late post. I'll try my best not to make it a habit.)  

How Can I Choose One?!

Q: Who is your favorite superhero?

Make note, I do not read comic books although I wish I had the time/money for them. The knowledge I have of the following superheroes comes from my love of watching the animated series/movies, and the individual research I do.

First of all, I love superheroes. I love both Marvel and DC--although I do like Marvel a tad bit more. This week's question was really hard because I like a lot of superheroes. They tend to be pretty awesome and dynamic characters. It ended up coming down to two for me. One from Marvel: Thor. One from DC: Batman.

BATMAN.
He has been one of my favorite superheroes of all time. Batman has been one of the superheroes that I grew up watching movies of. I was born in a time where I was able to watch George Clooney and Christian Bale portray him. I, like most of society, did not like Clooney's portrayal of this character. I did, however, love Bale's. I think Bale captured Batman as I always envisioned him to be. I used to watch the animated series when I was young. At the time, I used to think Batman was a man who had no special super-power yet was protecting Gotham City. I viewed it as being the best type of
heroic. Risking your life for strangers because you find that that is the right thing to do, how freakin cool is that?! As I grew older, though, Batman became a very complex character. I began to understand why he protects Gotham. His parents were murdered in front of him. Now if that doesn't sound scary, I don't know what else can be. This man took a moment so scarring in his life and turned it into a reason to protect the city. The reason this character is so complex, to me, is because he gives off an image of being an asshole to society. He fits the billionaire man stereotype: pretentious asshole. Bruce Wayne is the billionaire asshole of Gotham. Though Wayne may spend his money carelessly in the eyes of the Gotham citizens, Batman spends it on gadgets to protect the city. This man is a hero regardless of not having any superpower.

THOR.
This superhero has become a recent favorite of mine. I will say that a good part of my attraction to Thor comes from the actor who plays him, Chris Hemsworth. I think the casting director was spot on when choosing the actor to play Thor. I like this superhero because, I believe, he is a proper superhero. He is a God. He is Son of Odin and Asgardian God of Thunder, for crying out loud! He has the special powers and super strength. This is someone to not be messed with. His character is a protector of realms. As for this hero, I like the portrayal in the comics. Once again, I have not read the comics, but I have read about him online. Thor (from the comics) appears to be more human, well not technically. He just understands the way Earth works. At a point in his life, in order to be taught humility, Odin sent him to Earth as a mortal. In that time, Thor went under the name of Donald Blake. He was a surgeon. While working at a hospital, Blake meets nurse Jane Foster. Although I do like how they portrayed Jane and Thor in the films. I wish to see more of Thor in the upcoming years. I think he is a great character that many people don't know about or enough of.

BONUS.
I do wish I could write more about other characters in Marvel and DC but I don't want to bore you with a long blog post. I just have to say that I love the X-Men, Avengers, and the Flash. Also, Peggy Carter--even though she isn't technically a superhero.

Till Next Time,

Jax

The One That Started It All

People call me Jackie--all thanks to my mother. I am from California. I met Esther while in college. Ever since that one morning that she moved in we have been inseparable. Our other roommate was alright (Just kidding, Jo). So, about this blog, it sort of just happened. It doesn’t really have a theme. It will be a lifestyle type of blog. Esther and I will write about things that interest us in life. We are just two girls trying to do something productive while procrastinating really important things. Hopefully this blog will be capable of capturing who we are without making us appear like pretentious college students. Throughout our blogging time we will be answering questions like the one Esther has written today.

-Jax

So obviously I’ll be the funny one of the two.

My name is Esther, and I’m from Hawaii. Lol that’s the most interesting topic about me so I might as well get it out of the way. Jackie and I were once roommates and she hasn’t stopped bothering me ever since. I can’t blame her, though; I’m pretty amazing.

The truth is I don’t know squat about anything, so most of what I’ll be writing here will probably be BS. I apologize in advance. But hopefully it’ll be fun.

-E

As for our first post, we’ll be talking about our first crush.

Alright, let’s take a trip down memory lane…

Esther

Ok, so OFFICIALLY my first crush was a boy in fifth grade. His name was Christopher. My friends and I had begun to discover the wonders of celebrity heartthrobs about a year earlier but it was only then when “crushes” began to apply to our snotty-nosed peers. My best friend began having a thing for a cousin of mine and pretty soon “love” was in the air and I was suffocating from the lack thereof of it in my life. As we walked by one of the classrooms we saw Chris doing something nice, probably watering some plants or something. My brilliant plan hatched right then and there and I decided to LIE. You know, like a liar. I pointed him out to my best friend and said “I like Christopher. He’s really nice. And cute.” She looked at me really surprised (which made sense because Chris and I hardly ever talked so how would I know if he was nice or not). Anyways, she teased me about him every time we passed him since then and every time I had to pretend I was in love and shy and all that good stuff. I still think she might think I really liked him. Which, don’t get me wrong he WAS a nice guy, but I didn’t like him.

My first real crush is a longer story, but that’s for another time.

Jackie

...I can’t really say that it was a crush, since I probably didn’t know what a crush was at the time, but I did find some weird attraction to this kid named Ricky. He was this kid that just seemed cool. When you are in first grade, everything is cool and this boy was cool to me. He was quiet and had spiky black hair. From what I can remember, he also liked the same things I liked: pokemon and oreos--it was a match made in elementary school heaven. Around this time is when the whole cooties thing became a thing, so this crush was crushed within a few months. After the cootie thing died, I never looked at Ricky the same way. In my mind, Ricky was a cootie filled boy that was up to no good. So much for a first crush, right?